Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Remembering People

"It's nice to be remembered, but it's far cheaper to be forgotten." I wasn't able to find the author of this quote, but during my lifetime I've found this saying to be sadly, but understandably, true.

I've always had to work for friendships. I'm not saying that friendships come easy, but I've had to work a lot harder than most people I know to make friends and keep them. Stepping out of my comfort zone and social skills were always tricky areas for me. I only started making lasting friendships when I got to college, but even then, I've had to try hard to get people to remember me.

This isn't an accusation against my friends or against people in general. We're all busy and we all have lives - academic, social, professional lives - and we can't keep up with everybody all the time. It's normal. But I feel like, with almost all my friends, I'm the one that really makes the effort to keep in touch to stay in each other's lives. I rarely get personally invited to anything. It's incredible how nice it feels when someone texts you or calls you and says, "Hey, some friends and I are going to the movies tonight. Would you like to join us?" It indicates that that person was thinking about you. The invitation doesn't have to be to something awesome. It could be that a friend randomly texts you and asks if you would like to study with them, or go get coffee. It's the thought, the consideration, that counts.

So since I rarely get those types of invitations, I often feel largely invisible. Sure, I'm invited to campus-wide events, club events, etc - but everybody on campus and in said club are invited. Those events aren't by individual invitation. I never lack things to do, but most of these are of my organizing (me reaching out to other people) or events that are put on by other organizations that I go to with friends.

All I'm saying is that it's nice to be remembered. It takes a lot of effort for me to stay out of obscurity in my friends' busy lives, but maintaining those friendships would be more special and more important to me if that effort was in some way reciprocated. Then it doesn't feel so much like a one-sided friendship.

Hopefully this all makes sense. Once again, I want to clarify that this isn't an accusation or an attack against anyone in particular.